I know, I know. Open relationships get a seriously bad rep. They are stereotypically something used to ‘save’ a dying relationship that ends in one person leaving or cheating. I mean, it’s just permission to cheat right? It seems this lady above here seems to think the mere suggestion of something totally legal yet a bit taboo, merits a just as taboo yet completely illegal reaction of second degree murder. What a classy widow! Here me out. I am going to attempt to do the impossible – make an open relationship look healthy and mutually beneficial! Here is my story, which starts about 4 years ago…
Picture this. A young couple, 18, living miles apart, newly in love. Not uncommon, we see it everywhere. Over the past year the two of them had been doing some soul searching, and had both come out to each other as bisexual.
But that doesn’t exist, you’re both clearly gay!
Years and years of questioning and confusion had led to us finally able to be open and honest with ourselves and each other. On a side note my coming out story is in hindsight quite hilarious and I can’t wait to share it some day! But over the course of the next year I had started to think. I had already said that whilst he was on a lads holiday to one of those Spanish party islands (name escapes me) that if he got absolutely wankered I wouldn’t mind him having it off with someone. He didn’t fully believe I would be OK with this, and his friends actually thought I was trying to test his loyalty!
I kid you not. Their exact words.
But why would I have been OK with it? Well in my mind it was simple. Before we met he was a virgin, and I wasn’t. I knew I wanted to be with this guy for the long haul, and I guess the feeling of being someone’s one and only was very uncomfortable. I had had a few sexual partners before him and wanted him to actually be able to experience what everyone else got to at a young age. Fast forward another year to us coming out, the guilt was even stronger. He knew what he was and knew he was interested in men as well as women, yet because of me he would never get to learn more about himself. It’s at this point I should preface he was NOT EVER telling me this himself, and after talking it through it was NEVER how he was actually thinking. This was my own conscious thought, and was not made to feel like I was holding him back from shoving his dick into more things. I am fully aware that’s how a lot of stories like these go, but I just wanted the love of my life to get to experience the hoe life like most of us do!
I had been sitting on the idea of giving him the green light for some time, and never ever was going to suggest we fully explore an open relationship. I had had other partners, I’d done that bit, for him this would be something new. Something I could give to him to show how much I loved him and trusted him. We lived, and still do, in different cities. Our schedules didn’t always line up. It would be a source of comfort in a way for him. Finally, I decided I was going to go ahead and make my proposal. He didn’t have to accept, but I wanted him to know that option was open.
We were sitting in a restaurant, not the most private location but hey we went with it, and clinked our glasses of over priced wine like we normally do. I sipped quietly before piping up with the classic, “hey, I’ve been thinking…”
Now, I’m pretty sure I have never seen a man’s face go from pink to pure white so fast. Looking back it really does make me laugh. I was offering him the chance to spread his thot wings and his first reaction after hearing those 4 words was that of someone being asked to kill their own mother. But anyway, I laid the idea out on the table (I mean metaphorically, I hadn’t come with diagrams…though I feel a tasteful PowerPoint may have helped me in hindsight!). Once I explained my thought process, much like I have now, he started to laugh. It turns out for the past 2 years he had been thinking the same thing. Here I was, open about the fact I liked women, and had never really properly got a chance to explore that. He said he felt bad too that I couldn’t due to being with him exclusively. This is why I love this boy. We’re always on the same page. We started to talk more in depth for about an hour, outlining the rules and what would be deemed OK or straight up cheating. It turns out we had the same thoughts about it all. We had to be honest about what we intended to do, and we could deny the other from sleeping with a particular person which was absolutely not negotiable. We call this our ‘Veto’ system, and it’s saved my ass more times than I care to admit from doing something very very stupid. We drank more wine, agreed on it, and left with a huge smile on our face.
That was 3 years ago. I am still with the same person, still love him with all my heart, but now have some cracking stories! Seriously this range from good, to scary, to funny, to just down right odd. For those of you who don’t agree with this lifestyle that’s fine. It won’t work for you, awesome! Meet your Prince Charming and fall in love and die 80 only having sucked one dick. That’s beautiful! But when you sit back and wonder what if I could’ve done something different, I will be here to live vicariously through….